There was a period in my life where I was single for so long. And I really didn’t like that. I went through all the stages of a single girl: from the stage of lowering criteriums and moderate desperation, over not being interested for anything, and to harsch criteriums and excessive volatility.
I remember i was not clear with everything around me and that I was thinking about and questioning everything.
About myself. About men. About life and everything related.
Now, I see that many answers to those questions I just did not see at all. It is much easier to see it now froma perspective of a happily married woman.
Here are some conclusions I reached while thinking about status of a single woman. Take a look on behavior of single persons I met around me, and try to see if some of those reasons or behaviors are the reason because you or someone you know is still single.
1. Waiting for Mr. Right
I understand you – it is hard not to have a definition of a prince on a white horse, when we are daily surrounded with prototypes of perfect partner which should be our reason and choice for living happily ever after.
On the other side, so many of us get tired of waiting for such a perfect man and that is exactly how you should think. If you stick to your criteria of your prince and do not want to accept anything less, you are just contributing more to not finding him at all.
A perfect man might be sitting next to you, but you are just not able to see him.
2. When I’m out, I am looking for potential date
A friend told me one wise thing: “You smell like desperatation!”. Thisshort sentence was a discovery which I needed after being single for few years. When all your hangouts are just for looking for a right guy, all your verbal and nonverbal communications is screaming just that. I am sorry for slapping you in the face with this one, but that just looks desperate.
Nobody wants to date a person which is desperate, because that is all but not sexy no matter how good you look.
Go out and be open for new possibilities, but also enjoy yourself and others with you. You can only get surprised if that is the time when someone approaches you, when you least expect it.
3. Keeping in touch with Ex
Do you recognize some of these scenarios:
“Sometimes I chat with the Ex (especially when drunk).”
“Sometimes I get in bed with the Ex.”
“When I have a problem, I call my ex. He knows me the best.”
If you can find yourself in some of these, trust me, that man is still not “ex” for you. And as long as you keep those doors open, you will not be able to open new doors to a new man.
Friendships with the Ex are possible, but only after a while, when you can be sure there are no emotions left from both sides. And do you know how synchronized can that get to happen? Almost never.
4. The real love will just happen, no need to do anything about it
Let’s talk again about romantic american movies. There, you will almost always see some lucky ladies sitting in their apartments and a perfect man just gets to see them through the window from over the street. Or, she drops some papers on the pavement and voila – there he is, a prince, to help her pick it up. I mean, that’s only IN THE MOVIES, be sure. How many people in real life you know that met someone that way? Almost no one, let’s be honest.
With these expectations you can get through if you are still young, so you go out and there is a real chance someone will approach you, without you doing anything. But, if you are in, let’s say, your 30s, you go out much less and there are not much oportunities to meet someone new, think about making some changes about your procativity because a real man is somewhere out there, but he does not know where you live and where you might drop those papers where he might help you.
There is nothing bad in getting into chat roomsor mobile apps for meeting people. Many of us met there fellow creatures right that way. We live in a modern world and we should be up with it.
There are no more princes on ta white horse and pigeons that will carry love letters. Now, you have computers and mobile phones, use them!stite ih!
5. I find it easy to become a friend with the opposite sex
Are you one of these? That is good, but do you get a friend with really every man you meet? If yes, you should think that one over again.
Why? you think. Having male friends is so refreshing and satisifying.
And you are right. We, the women, can be really tough. But, if you instantly become a friend with some man who might be your potential partner, do not count on him to look at you in that inimate way in the future
Men do not look at their sister like that.
6. I am careful because I am hurt
We were al hurt at one point in our lives. And that was really painful, I know. Like if that was not enough, we suffered additional depresive BS and all those fears which built walls aroung us.
It is neccessary to get protected from new attacks, right?
Ofcourse. But, those wall might be needed for some time – until we get oback out strength and belief. But, as years go by and you are still not letting anyone come near you, well, there is a real problem.
There are no sure things in life and no one can say that no one will surely hurt you any more. But, if you let them come near, someone might be “the love of your life”.
So, give others a chance. Break those walls around you. and start building love from the beginning with someone new.
7. I often choose emotionally inaccessible men.
Reasons for this can be so different. Usuallz, you think you are Mother Theresa who needs to help all those man in need, or you are one of those who see men as more attractive as you work more on them. That might be true in a few situations, but if you are doing too much for someone who is not giving back and has his own problems, all your hard work will come to nothing.
Save that energy for someone who really cares!
8. I’m not worth the love
When you are single, it is highly expected you doubt yourself.
Am I pretty enough?
Am I interesting enough?
Am I love-worthy?
All those “Am I”‘s can get you to fell more low on self-esteem and then you get to behave in the ways that will repell men even more. An that will not happen because you are not pretty enough but because you fell low.
If you don’t love yourself enough, how do you expect someone else love you more?
Do not forget, self-confidence is the best decoration you can wear.
9. Nobody is good enough for me
We all deserve the best we can get, but when we think nobody is good enough for us, we will end up with only that one person we think of as worty enough – our selves. These high criteria do not have to be realted woth your ego. It can just happen because of being single for too long or being hurt in the past. So, then it is easier to think it is better not to give your heart to anyone because they do not deserve it.
The essence is that you do not have to give your heart. To no one, never. You just need to be open to other people, let them come near and give them a chance. The life goes by so fast, and with it also the opportunities we will not have for a second time.
It’ss not up to faith, it’s up to you!